Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
