I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
