Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
