Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
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4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
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He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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