Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
