I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize