the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
