i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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