matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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