dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
