I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
