my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
