I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
