In the future we'll all be gay
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ttyl tear gas
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
