the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
BRING THE BAGELS
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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