Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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