hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
my liver is dry heaving
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