boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
