my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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