Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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