Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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