Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
