I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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