everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
