I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
