Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
