If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
