I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
