ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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