I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i love accidental penises.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
