We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
