i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
