hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
