I CAN MOONWALK!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
