Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
