My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
