We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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