I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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