nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
