Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
are you so shy because you have an std?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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