Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
