I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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