pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
