That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Floor bacon is actually really good
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