I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
