How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Plan B is the new Plan A
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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