I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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