we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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