i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
