I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
