I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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