I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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