he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
