yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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