I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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