Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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