My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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