That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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