I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
