I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
