Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
