SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
